she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
