I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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