do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it glows. i had to have it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
