you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
