I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
