I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
