Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
