I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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