the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
