considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize