I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
