i think i have two assholes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize