Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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