I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize