Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
