Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize