My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
