You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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