Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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