I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
