I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
