i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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