I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize