oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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