OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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