I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
