Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
