Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
