I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
