Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
