I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
