just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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