Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
