does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
