I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
