Your dad touched me again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
PANTIES FOUND
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