We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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