At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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