You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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