Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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