dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
