Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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