I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
