my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
