update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
