and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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