i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
