dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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