I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He passed out mid-signature
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
