I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
