Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
