Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
