She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
