dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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