I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
