he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
