Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
