She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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