Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
