He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
