i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
