Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
