So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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