Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
