Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
