Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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