So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
