im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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